Wow!
Where did that time go? So much has happened.
Greg has had 2 heart attacks/Tia's, I've had complete right knee replacement, my Parents moved to Foristell,
2 miles away, then May 1st 2011 my Father passed away.
Dealing with way too much.
Tomorrow is my 47th Birthday. I'm already sad, my Parents, every year,
Always called and sang me Happy Birthday.
My laptop crashed, needs a new Mother Board. I thought i
Lost all my pictures of my Dad from hard drive re-formatting. Got
Good news yesterday, they are restoring, and retrieving all my data! Also only
Charging me $30-$50! Geek squad was going to charge me over $130
Just for diagnostics! Really? Theives!
I've been with out computer for over a month. My web site is on hold!
Www.Baybeegirl.com because all I have is my EVO 3D, which
Is very awesome, but I can not design/finish site on a cell phone.
Got so much going on inside. I feel I Need reformating my self.
Just stuck in a place, that keeps me still. I Need to get out
Of the house more!
Mom is making Chop Suey for my b-day dinner! The best!
Laters,
Jilsey -
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, July 26, 2010
The Woman at the Well
I am that Woman at the Well..... I know who I am, I know what I am made of, I know what I have done and the choices I have made. I judge my self every day. In my eyes, I should be condemned but, in Your eyes I am Loved, Cherished and Adored. I am Forgiven. I do not Flippantly say that nor does it roll off of my tongue easily. I say that with the utmost humility and grace.
I have searched all over for the answers for the questions I had inside. All my life you were right here, all along. Waiting.... Patiently.... Waiting, you watched me do things My Way. You watched me get into some pretty bad situations, painful experiences, you watched while I cried, you watched when I did damage to my own heart, soul and body. You didn't just watch with a distant stare or a disgust on your face. You hurt too. You felt my pain... And you waited..... Hoping...... Longing for me to turn to you. With my Whole heart.There were times I have come to you when I was hurting, and then when things got better, I forgot about you. How that must have hurt you. You Never gave up on me. Why?
You see the hearts of Women. You see the things that they do to be loved. Some Woman never know Love, they abuse their bodies and hearts for what they think is love but when all is said and done, they have been used and discarded like a toy. Even when a good man Loves us, we can't let them Love us. Why is that? I wish I knew....
I am so very Thankful, for your presence in my life. I know it and I feel it and I have experienced a symphony of Joy that surpasses my understanding.
I am the Woman, at the Well.....
Jill ♥
I have searched all over for the answers for the questions I had inside. All my life you were right here, all along. Waiting.... Patiently.... Waiting, you watched me do things My Way. You watched me get into some pretty bad situations, painful experiences, you watched while I cried, you watched when I did damage to my own heart, soul and body. You didn't just watch with a distant stare or a disgust on your face. You hurt too. You felt my pain... And you waited..... Hoping...... Longing for me to turn to you. With my Whole heart.There were times I have come to you when I was hurting, and then when things got better, I forgot about you. How that must have hurt you. You Never gave up on me. Why?
You see the hearts of Women. You see the things that they do to be loved. Some Woman never know Love, they abuse their bodies and hearts for what they think is love but when all is said and done, they have been used and discarded like a toy. Even when a good man Loves us, we can't let them Love us. Why is that? I wish I knew....
I am so very Thankful, for your presence in my life. I know it and I feel it and I have experienced a symphony of Joy that surpasses my understanding.
I am the Woman, at the Well.....
Jill ♥
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Lighting my own torch...
I have spent all my life searching. Searching for the meaning of life, searching for love, searching for safety. As a small child I remember asking questions to my Mother about God and she would tell me I need to talk to the Priest. But, I started on a journey to find the meaning of life. I knew that there was a GOD. All I had to do was look at nature and the way our bodies were created, and how man and woman fit together to reproduce and the Beauty of birth or look a a beautiful flower or sun rise.
I started my search by going to neighborhood friends churches, and assemblies. I was raised a Catholic, but I always felt that GOD was up there with a cane just ready to thump me on the head when I did wrong. Mostly, I wanted to feel Gods presence. I thought IF GOD is real, and He created us. Then he must have created a way for us to KNOW him? Surely! That would be cruel I thought, If I had a child and I just abandoned that child to figure it out on their own, with NO communication at all. I remember going to The Jehovah witness meetings, Pentecostal, Lutheran, Baptist Churches. It seemed so weird to me. So RELIGIOUS! Was GOD really so distant that I had to be perfect to be close to him?
My friend Rick Fister started going to church with a lady he worked with, and I saw a difference in him, I mean we use to smoke Pot, drink and P A R T Y!!! ha ha He would just share with me scripture from the Bible. He explained to me that Eternal Life was a Free Gift. I was like Ummm YEAH right what is the catch? I KNOW I HAVE to be a GOOD person to get to heaven. That is what I was always taught in the Catholic church. But what he told me amazed me and it totally intrigued me. It was interesting because a Guy Mike Caldwell, use to witness to me after he *Got Saved, was Born Again* and I thought at the time WHAT A FREAK! What has happened to this guy? He was brain washed?! Then years later all the words he shared with me made sense for the very first time. I read the book of Romans many times, and GOT IT! I understood the meaning of why God sent Jesus to die on a cross for us. Jesus became so real to me. I don't want to preach to you, but I encourage you to read the book of Romans, I pray you do read it. It is the most amazing book in the Bible in my opinion. I am NOT talking about Religion, I am talking about relationship.
I want to share my story with you because I believe that it has been an incredibly long journey to get the the place that I am right now. The bottom line is, God has always wanted the best for me, and all my life I have chosen to Light My Own Torch you could say. When all along I had the Spirit of God trying to guide me all the way. In all of my Bad decisions, and wrong turns and bad ideas and wrong attitudes. Even when I would Yell and scream at GOD to leave me alone. He was always right here waiting for me to surrender. I have to say that if I were Him, I would have given up on me a long time ago. Thank you Lord for NOT giving up on the stubborn, rebellious child.
Have much to say,
Soon...
Jill
I started my search by going to neighborhood friends churches, and assemblies. I was raised a Catholic, but I always felt that GOD was up there with a cane just ready to thump me on the head when I did wrong. Mostly, I wanted to feel Gods presence. I thought IF GOD is real, and He created us. Then he must have created a way for us to KNOW him? Surely! That would be cruel I thought, If I had a child and I just abandoned that child to figure it out on their own, with NO communication at all. I remember going to The Jehovah witness meetings, Pentecostal, Lutheran, Baptist Churches. It seemed so weird to me. So RELIGIOUS! Was GOD really so distant that I had to be perfect to be close to him?
My friend Rick Fister started going to church with a lady he worked with, and I saw a difference in him, I mean we use to smoke Pot, drink and P A R T Y!!! ha ha He would just share with me scripture from the Bible. He explained to me that Eternal Life was a Free Gift. I was like Ummm YEAH right what is the catch? I KNOW I HAVE to be a GOOD person to get to heaven. That is what I was always taught in the Catholic church. But what he told me amazed me and it totally intrigued me. It was interesting because a Guy Mike Caldwell, use to witness to me after he *Got Saved, was Born Again* and I thought at the time WHAT A FREAK! What has happened to this guy? He was brain washed?! Then years later all the words he shared with me made sense for the very first time. I read the book of Romans many times, and GOT IT! I understood the meaning of why God sent Jesus to die on a cross for us. Jesus became so real to me. I don't want to preach to you, but I encourage you to read the book of Romans, I pray you do read it. It is the most amazing book in the Bible in my opinion. I am NOT talking about Religion, I am talking about relationship.
I want to share my story with you because I believe that it has been an incredibly long journey to get the the place that I am right now. The bottom line is, God has always wanted the best for me, and all my life I have chosen to Light My Own Torch you could say. When all along I had the Spirit of God trying to guide me all the way. In all of my Bad decisions, and wrong turns and bad ideas and wrong attitudes. Even when I would Yell and scream at GOD to leave me alone. He was always right here waiting for me to surrender. I have to say that if I were Him, I would have given up on me a long time ago. Thank you Lord for NOT giving up on the stubborn, rebellious child.
Have much to say,
Soon...
Jill
Friday, July 23, 2010
How does one Be still?
I don't know about any one else but I have a mind that goes 100 miles an hour. I am always trying to stay 4 steps ahead of life. Trying to do 120% at everything that I do, and coming to a screeching halt because I am doing too much. I have come to terms with the fact that I am disabled. It was a struggle to come to this conclusion but it really is truth as I know it.
Lifting anything heavy has repercussions. Bending my neck down for long periods of time, result in pain. Standing for long periods of time, results in back pain. Not my desire to be this way, but I feel that things happen for a reason. I tend to busy myself so I do not have to be still, and listen to that still small voice calling to me, ever so gentlemanly.
God knows us all too well, and is intimately acquainted with all of our ways. I am thick headed and unfortunately, it takes a hammer on the head situation to get my attention. I am very good at drowning out that still small voice, but I really am at the end of my running. God has set the stage and He is getting my attention. OK God, I am listening. Speak to me, I am listening.
When I turn off the sounds around me, and sit I am at peace for the very first time in years. Ahhhhhh, but something about quiet use to scare me. It is like people who are surrounded by drama. Some people are more comfortable with drama because it is learned behavior. I am fortunate to have a loving husband, a great family who love me, and a few very close friends. I have a lot of friends, but really, Greg is my Best Friend. He knows me better than any human being on the face of this earth besides my parents. I am grateful that my parents are still living, and honored that they are good people, and good parents. I am fortunate to have an equal relationship with them. But it was not always that way. I worked very hard at that. It has paid off.
Today, I am going to be still, and enjoy the stillness as much as I can. I'll let you know how that goes....
Sincerely,
Jill
Lifting anything heavy has repercussions. Bending my neck down for long periods of time, result in pain. Standing for long periods of time, results in back pain. Not my desire to be this way, but I feel that things happen for a reason. I tend to busy myself so I do not have to be still, and listen to that still small voice calling to me, ever so gentlemanly.
God knows us all too well, and is intimately acquainted with all of our ways. I am thick headed and unfortunately, it takes a hammer on the head situation to get my attention. I am very good at drowning out that still small voice, but I really am at the end of my running. God has set the stage and He is getting my attention. OK God, I am listening. Speak to me, I am listening.
When I turn off the sounds around me, and sit I am at peace for the very first time in years. Ahhhhhh, but something about quiet use to scare me. It is like people who are surrounded by drama. Some people are more comfortable with drama because it is learned behavior. I am fortunate to have a loving husband, a great family who love me, and a few very close friends. I have a lot of friends, but really, Greg is my Best Friend. He knows me better than any human being on the face of this earth besides my parents. I am grateful that my parents are still living, and honored that they are good people, and good parents. I am fortunate to have an equal relationship with them. But it was not always that way. I worked very hard at that. It has paid off.
Today, I am going to be still, and enjoy the stillness as much as I can. I'll let you know how that goes....
Sincerely,
Jill
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