Being Still

To be still in my mind is not something that is easy to me at all. I have A D D and A D H D Major! My Mother has always told me that it started in the womb. She said that her insides were bruised I was a VERY active baby. I am a stubborn, self willed, hard headed woman. These personality traits tend to rule me. I know that GOD has tried to mold those traits into something great, and I have rebelled most of my life.

Life is a Journey, and I have learned so much in these last few years. I married my Best Friend in 1993 and struggled to believe that he Loved me unconditionally. I struggle with the concept of Unconditional Love. I am learning and experiencing God's Love for me through my husband. I have so much to share. That is why I started this blog. I do believe I am suppose to do this. I have gone through so much and I have so much time on my hands right now. Going from being very successful as a Master hair Stylist working 60 to 65 hours a week. Hired to train under Redken in New York, to having Spinal surgery Dec 5th 2007. Then having to go on Disability. Being on Disability is the most humbling thing ever. I miss doing hair, I feel like Picasso with my arms cut off. Being an artist and doing Hair is my passion. But God has different plans. I am waiting on Him to show me the way. I do believe that the way is to be closer to Him. Just trying to Be Still and Hear what he is calling me to do.

I have a lot to share. Most of all this blog is for myself. Trying to make sense of it all. I do understand where I am right now. I am Thankful and feel Blessed. I hope maybe my life can minister to someone else.

This is My Story, This is My Journey.....

Jilsey ♥

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Lighting my own torch...

I have spent all my life searching. Searching for the meaning of life, searching for love, searching for safety. As a small child I remember asking questions to my Mother about God and she would tell me I need to talk to the Priest. But, I started on a journey to find the meaning of life. I knew that there was a GOD. All I had to do was look at nature and the way our bodies were created, and how man and woman fit together to reproduce and the Beauty of birth or look a a beautiful flower or sun rise.

I started my search by going to neighborhood friends churches, and assemblies. I was raised a Catholic, but I always felt that GOD was up there with a cane just ready to thump me on the head when I did wrong. Mostly, I wanted to feel Gods presence. I thought IF GOD is real, and He created us. Then he must have created a way for us to KNOW him? Surely! That would be cruel I thought, If I had a child and I just abandoned that child to figure it out on their own, with NO communication at all. I remember going to The Jehovah witness meetings, Pentecostal, Lutheran, Baptist Churches. It seemed so weird to me. So RELIGIOUS! Was GOD really so distant that I had to be perfect to be close to him?

My friend Rick Fister started going to church with a lady he worked with, and I saw a difference in him, I mean we use to smoke Pot, drink and P A R T Y!!! ha ha He would just share with me scripture from the Bible. He explained to me that Eternal Life was a Free Gift. I was like Ummm YEAH right what is the catch? I KNOW I HAVE to be a GOOD person to get to heaven. That is what I was always taught in the Catholic church. But what he told me amazed me and it totally intrigued me. It was interesting because a Guy Mike Caldwell, use to witness to me after he *Got Saved, was Born Again* and I thought at the time WHAT A FREAK! What has happened to this guy? He was brain washed?! Then years later all the words he shared with me made sense for the very first time. I read the book of Romans many times, and GOT IT! I understood the meaning of why God sent Jesus to die on a cross for us. Jesus became so real to me. I don't want to preach to you, but I encourage you to read the book of Romans, I pray you do read it. It is the most amazing book in the Bible in my opinion. I am NOT talking about Religion, I am talking about relationship.

I want to share my story with you because I believe that it has been an incredibly long journey to get the the place that I am right now. The bottom line is, God has always wanted the best for me, and all my life I have chosen to Light My Own Torch you could say. When all along I had the Spirit of God trying to guide me all the way. In all of my Bad decisions, and wrong turns and bad ideas and wrong attitudes. Even when I would Yell and scream at GOD to leave me alone. He was always right here waiting for me to surrender. I have to say that if I were Him, I would have given up on me a long time ago. Thank you Lord for NOT giving up on the stubborn, rebellious child.

Have much to say,
Soon...
Jill
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