I don't know about any one else but I have a mind that goes 100 miles an hour. I am always trying to stay 4 steps ahead of life. Trying to do 120% at everything that I do, and coming to a screeching halt because I am doing too much. I have come to terms with the fact that I am disabled. It was a struggle to come to this conclusion but it really is truth as I know it.
Lifting anything heavy has repercussions. Bending my neck down for long periods of time, result in pain. Standing for long periods of time, results in back pain. Not my desire to be this way, but I feel that things happen for a reason. I tend to busy myself so I do not have to be still, and listen to that still small voice calling to me, ever so gentlemanly.
God knows us all too well, and is intimately acquainted with all of our ways. I am thick headed and unfortunately, it takes a hammer on the head situation to get my attention. I am very good at drowning out that still small voice, but I really am at the end of my running. God has set the stage and He is getting my attention. OK God, I am listening. Speak to me, I am listening.
When I turn off the sounds around me, and sit I am at peace for the very first time in years. Ahhhhhh, but something about quiet use to scare me. It is like people who are surrounded by drama. Some people are more comfortable with drama because it is learned behavior. I am fortunate to have a loving husband, a great family who love me, and a few very close friends. I have a lot of friends, but really, Greg is my Best Friend. He knows me better than any human being on the face of this earth besides my parents. I am grateful that my parents are still living, and honored that they are good people, and good parents. I am fortunate to have an equal relationship with them. But it was not always that way. I worked very hard at that. It has paid off.
Today, I am going to be still, and enjoy the stillness as much as I can. I'll let you know how that goes....
Sincerely,
Jill
It is equally hard for me to be still. It seems like a waste of time most days. I tend to think we will be still for a long dirt nap and no thanks! I'd rather be doing something constructive. Yet, Moses said, its that still small voice... So... I hunt each year and fish as often as I can. I get quiet, pray, think, clear my head. Hunting requires complete silent discipline. Sometimes I think I hear God's whisper. Sometimes I think I hear my own thoughts. One thing for certain, it takes silent quiet discipline...the rest is up to God.
ReplyDeleteI know you pretty well...I use to know you very well. I am glad of a couple of things. We are friends and always will be. We are on a very similar journey in different physical places. There is joy for the journey and I am glad we have had the life experiences we have had and you are still in my life as one of my dear friends.